Several months ago a letter appeared in our mailbox with a charmingly familiar chicken scratch scrawled across the envelope addressing it to “Mom and Dad.” In what I assume was a time filling English assignment, Logan wrote us a note of gratitude. Instead of the expected platitudes for financial sacrifices or time invested into his upbringing, his letter made my heart sing by expressing the character he sees within us as parents. In one excerpt, he says, “My ultimate goal in life is to love my children as much as you love me and my brothers.” Wow! Those are definitely words to treasure as rare gems in this mommy heart! As oh-how-sweet inducing as that sentence is, the missive ends with words that had me running to a frame store with a desire to preserve the letter and display it as fine art. “I want a wife who will represent Christ as well as my mom does.” Breath stolen, mind blown, heart beating out a happy dance, drop the mic, Lara out! I cannot think of a single thing he could have said that would have blown me away more. And yet, the joy and wonder of Logan’s sweet sentiment was short lived as the enemy whispered words of doubt in my ear. With an insidious evil, Satan loves to use God’s Word against me. “Don’t you want your son to have a wife of noble character? Search Proverbs 31 and see how far you fall short. What a sad example you’ve set!” Or, “How often have your sons seen you worry? Doesn’t Philippians 4:6 command you not to worry about anything? How awful to have your sons set their sights so low.”

“I want a wife who will represent Christ as well as my mom does.”

For every moment of parenting triumph, I can site at least three parenting fails. And like most parents I know, I want my boys to experience an abundant life that surpasses my own. Growing up in an athiest family, I cannot fully imagine what it would be like to navigate the horrors of adolescence with the assurance of my identity in Christ. Prior to surviving it with my boys, there was part of me that believed sun beams would forever shine, rainy days were just an opportunity for fluffy clouds and showcasing God’s promises in bright rainbows. But the reality is that their adolescent experiences were very similar to mine. There were still bullies, cliques and cruel competitions. There was still self-doubt and awkwardness and a desire to fit in. And having a Christian parent didn’t equate to having a perfect home life.  In fact, I think it’s fair to say that my tally marks on the mistakes side of parenting are at least equal to my non Christian counterparts. However, there was always the one bold mark on the triumph side. When the ugliness of life crept in, all I could think to do was remind them to Whom they belong. In times of crisis, it became a question and answer mantra. I would ask, “to Whom do you belong?” and they would answer (with varying degrees of eye rolling), “We are sons of the One True King.” And that, my friend, has been my own mantra and reminder as the doubt sneaks into my vulnerable heart.

My boys see me doubt?

John 1:7 “He came as a witness to testify about the Light, so that through him everyone might believe.”

My boys see me sink into sadness?

Romans 8:1 “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

My boys see me fear?

Galatians 4:6-7 “Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.”

Remember that bold tally mark on the plus side of parenting I referred to earlier? That mark isn’t mine. I have simply been the vessel God used to communicate His ownership of my son’s, through His Spirit, on the day they were washed clean in the waters of baptism. It’s His mark on their lives that has the power to overcome all the little ways I’ve fallen short. Yes, I see mannerisms and behaviors of mine reflected in them I wish they didn’t learn. But I also see young hearts surrendered to the grace of God, perhaps in part because they have seen me pour out my fears and failures at the foot of the cross and walk away renewed. Perhaps my greatest weaknesses have been lessons for them to be wise in Whom they place their ultimate trust. We worship together, we study the Bible together, and we serve together. And by the grace of God, they see Him more clearly and me through a lens of His mercy. Looking though photos to accompany this post, I was struck by a lightning bolt of God’s provisions for our family. For every silly, loving, or sentimental picture I found of myself serving God’s people, there was an equally silly, loving, or sentimental picture of one of my boys serving as well. Thank you Lord, for letting the ugly lines of me be blurred as You came into clearer focus in my boy’s eyes.

Lara Kaufman
Director of Family Ministries